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Dilbert's Guide To Stress An alternative guide to stress in the workplace from Scott Adams, creator of the Dilbert comic strip. (1) - I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. (2) - I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. (3) - Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. (4) - Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue. (5) - Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again. (6) - I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem. (7) - Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling? (8) - My reality check bounced. (9) - On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. (10) - I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier. (11) - You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. (12) - Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. (13) - Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. (14) - Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience. (15) - A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt. (16) - Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. (17) - After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before. (18) - The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. (19) - You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry clipboard. (20) - Eat one live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. (21) - People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't. (22) - If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. (23) - When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried. (24) - Following the rules will not get the job done. (25) - When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this? Friday, 25 August 2006 © 2006 Bromley Health Management |
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