Dilbert's Guide To Stress

An alternative guide to stress in the workplace from Scott Adams, creator of the Dilbert comic strip.

(1) - I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

(2) - I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

(3) - Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

(4) - Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

(5) - Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.

(6) - I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

(7) - Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

(8) - My reality check bounced.

(9) - On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

(10) - I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

(11) - You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

(12) - Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

(13) - Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

(14) - Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

(15) - A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

(16) - Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

(17) - After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

(18) - The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

(19) - You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry clipboard.

(20) - Eat one live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

(21) - People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

(22) - If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

(23) - When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

(24) - Following the rules will not get the job done.

(25) - When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?

Friday, 25 August 2006

© 2006 Bromley Health Management