Doctors Say The Funniest Things

The Following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph.D. for the Journal of Court Reporting…

- By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year

- On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared

- She has had no rigours or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

- The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

- I will be happy to go into her GI system; she seems ready and anxious.

- Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. I have suggested that he loosens his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.

- The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

- Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr.****** to dispose of him.

- Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

- The patient refused an autopsy.

- The patient has no past history of suicides.

- The patient expired on the floor uneventfully

- Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

- Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.

- The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

- She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in seperate directions in early December.

- The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.

Friday, 25 August 2006

© 2006 Bromley Health Management