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Relax

Jokes

You Know You're Getting Older When…

Are you maturing like a fine wine, or fermenting like a rotten grape? Look for these tell-tale clues...

Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

- The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

- You feel like the night before, and you haven't been anywhere.

- Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

- You get winded playing chess.

- Your children begin to look middle-aged.

- You finally reach the top of the ladder,and you find it leaning against the wrong wall.

- You join a health club and don't go.

- You begin to outlive enthusiasm

- You decide to procrastinate but never get around to it.

- Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.

- A dripping faucet causes uncontrollable bladder urge.

- You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

- You look forward to a dull evening.

- You walk with your head held high trying to get used to your bifocals.

- Your favourite part of the newspaper is "Twenty-five Years Ago Today."

- You turn out the light for economic rather than romantic reasons.

- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

- Your knees buckle but your belt won't.

- You regret all those temptations you resisted.

- You're 17 around the neck and 44 around the waist, and 105 around the golf course.

- You stop looking forward to your next birthday.

- After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat.

- Dialing long distance wears you out.

- You are startled the first time someone's calls you Old-timer.

- You remember today that yesterday was your wedding anniversary.

- You just can't stand people who are intolerant.

- The best part of your day is over when the alarm clock goes off.

- You burn the midnight oil after 9:00 p.m.

- Your back goes out more often than you do.

- A fortune teller offers to read your face.

- Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl walk by.

- The little old gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

- You get all your exercise being a pallbearer for your friends who exercise.

- You've got too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.

- You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

Friday, 25 August 2006

© 2006 Bromley Health Management

Jokes

Thought for the Day:

I have enjoyed life a lot more by saying yes than by saying no.
- Richard Branson

SO YOU WANT TO STOP SMOKING ONCE AND FOR ALL?

There is no single magic approach to stopping smoking.  It’s a learned behaviour (we’re not born smokers).  There is a major psychological element as well as chemical dependency.  No single formula, system or product will do the job. All they do is make the manufacturers richer.  That’s why so many attempts fail.

Whilst there is no quick, easy way to quit smoking - if you want to find out how you can stop once and for all - call Edith Maskell now on FREEPHONE 0800 093 1178 for a FREE initial consultation.

© Copyright Bromley Health Management 2006 [Please read our disclaimer]

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