The Perfect Diet!

A specially formulated diet designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day!

BREAKFAST
1 x grapefruit
1 x wholemeal toast
1 x cup skimmed milk

LUNCH
small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
1 x cup herbal tea
1 x chocolate hobnob

AFTERNOON TEA
the rest of the biscuits in the packet
1 x Hagen Daas Ice Cream with choc-chip topping
1 x family pack Jaffa cakes

DINNER
4 x bottles wine (red or white)
2 x loaves garlic bread
1 x large Supreme Pizza
3 x Snickers bars. (substitutions may be made e.g. Mars, Kit Kat - but it must be 3 bars, no more, no less as the balance of the diet may be affected).

LATE NIGHT SNACK
whole frozen Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer).

DIET RULES
(Take with a pinch of salt)

- If no one sees you eat something, it has no calories.

- When drinking diet coke with a chocolate bar, the diet coke cancels out the sugar in the chocolate bar.

- When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.

- Food used for medicinal purposes does not count, e.g. hot chocolate, toast, cheesecake and vodka.

- If you fatten up the people around you, you will look thinner.

- Cinema related foods have a zero calorie count as they are part of the entertainment package and not counted as food intake. This includes popcorn, Maltesers and Coke.

- Biscuit pieces have no calories because breaking the biscuits up causes calorie leakage.

- Foods licked from the spoon have no fat if you are in the process of cooking something.

- Anything eaten while standing has no calories due to gravity and the density of calorie mass.

- Food consumed from some-one else's plate has no fat as it rightfully belongs to the other person and will cling to his/ her aura.

……And remember: "STRESSED" spelt backwards is "DESSERTS"

Friday, 25 August 2006

© 2006 Bromley Health Management