The Perfect Diet!

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The Perfect Diet!

A specially formulated diet designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day!

BREAKFAST
1 x grapefruit
1 x wholemeal toast
1 x cup skimmed milk

LUNCH
small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
1 x cup herbal tea
1 x chocolate hobnob

AFTERNOON TEA
the rest of the biscuits in the packet
1 x Hagen Daas Ice Cream with choc-chip topping
1 x family pack Jaffa cakes

DINNER
4 x bottles wine (red or white)
2 x loaves garlic bread
1 x large Supreme Pizza
3 x Snickers bars. (substitutions may be made e.g. Mars, Kit Kat - but it must be 3 bars, no more, no less as the balance of the diet may be affected).

LATE NIGHT SNACK
whole frozen Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer).

DIET RULES
(Take with a pinch of salt)

- If no one sees you eat something, it has no calories.

- When drinking diet coke with a chocolate bar, the diet coke cancels out the sugar in the chocolate bar.

- When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.

- Food used for medicinal purposes does not count, e.g. hot chocolate, toast, cheesecake and vodka.

- If you fatten up the people around you, you will look thinner.

- Cinema related foods have a zero calorie count as they are part of the entertainment package and not counted as food intake. This includes popcorn, Maltesers and Coke.

- Biscuit pieces have no calories because breaking the biscuits up causes calorie leakage.

- Foods licked from the spoon have no fat if you are in the process of cooking something.

- Anything eaten while standing has no calories due to gravity and the density of calorie mass.

- Food consumed from some-one else's plate has no fat as it rightfully belongs to the other person and will cling to his/ her aura.

……And remember: "STRESSED" spelt backwards is "DESSERTS"

Friday, 25 August 2006

Jokes

Thought for the Day:

I have enjoyed life a lot more by saying yes than by saying no.
- Richard Branson

SO YOU WANT TO STOP SMOKING ONCE AND FOR ALL?

There is no single magic approach to stopping smoking. It’s a learned behaviour (we’re not born smokers). There is a major psychological element as well as chemical dependency. No single formula, system or product will do the job. All they do is make the manufacturers richer. That’s why so many attempts fail.

Whilst there is no quick, easy way to quit smoking - if you want to find out how you can stop once and for all - call Edith Maskell now on FREEPHONE 0800 093 1178 for a FREE initial consultation.

Email Bromley Health Management