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Truisms for Pun Many a true word ..... 1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.2. Police were called into a nursery where a 3 year old was resisting a rest. 3. Did you hear about the bloke whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now. 4. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s Round Table was Sir Cumference. 5. To write with a broken pencil is pointless. 6. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate. 7. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large 8. A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months. 9. Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking. 10. We’ll never run out of maths teachers because they always multiply 11. When the fog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A 12. The maths teacher went mad with the blackboard. He did a number on it. 13. The geography teacher discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground. 14. If you take a laptop for a run you could jog your memory 15. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail 16. What’s the definition of a Will? A dead giveaway 17. A bicycle can’t stand alone. It’s too tyred. 18. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 19. A backward poet writes inverse. 20. In a democracy, it’s your voew that counts. In Feudalism, it’s your Count that votes. 21. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion 22. If you don’t pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed. 23. When she got married, she got a new name and a dress. 24. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-Flat miner. 25. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds. 26. The man who fell onto an upholstery machine is fully recovered 27. The outcome of a grenade falling onto a kitchen floor in France was Linoleum Blownapart. 28. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it. 29. He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key. 30. A calendar’s days are numbered. 31. A lot of money is tainted. ‘Taint yours and ‘taint mine 32. A boiled egg is hard to beat. 33. He had a photographic memory which was never developed 34. A plateau is a high form of flattery 35. Thow who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. 36. When you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall 37. When she saw her rist strands of grey hair, she thought she’d dye. 38. Bakers trade bread recipes on a “knead to know” basis 39. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses. 40. Acupuncture is a jab well done Sunday, 6 April 2008 © 2008 Bromley Health Management |
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